Do you feel like that “in love” feeling is gone forever? I mean, you love your partner but just don’t really feel it?
Even in great relationships, it’s possible to lose the inspiration or desire to connect the way you used to. It’s not really fun anymore and the feelings of love are a distant memory.
Most couples just passively ride out the erosion of love as if they are the recipient of some forces outside their control.
But just because it’s normal to cycle through being “in love” doesn’t mean you have to wait for inspiration to strike.
You can consciously create a space that brings back those loving feelings, and create a flow of positive energy between you that becomes the baseline of your relationship.
But in order to do this, you need to make some mental shifts.
How To Get That Loving Feeling Back: 6 Mental Shifts You Need to Make
1. Feel good about yourself FIRST. If you are not being the person you want to be, focus first on cleaning up your side of the street. Give yourself reasons to feel good about YOU. Then, if you revert to automatic negative thinking, it is much easier to consciously reach for “better-feeling” thoughts. For example, if your mind makes your partner the enemy, say to yourself instead: “I feel good about me” or “This is hard right now, but it always passes,” or “I’m open to connection today.” Whatever makes you feel good on the inside will create positive energy in the relationship.
2. Commit to positive reinforcement for small things. Do not take good things for granted! This means consciously expressing appreciation and gratitude for even small things. At the end of the day, the foundation of love is built on many tiny acts. Pay a compliment, or remind yourself of all the good things your partner does. You could even write them a love letter with a list of reasons you appreciate your partner.
3. View Pain with Curiosity. If you feel disconnected or even hurt, take a step back and ask “What is trying to happen here? What do I need to learn?” This brings positive energy to every challenge. You expect transformation. Movement is the key to opening the flow of love.
4. Assert yourself light-heartedly. Do you wish your partner would do more around the house? Are they clueless about what makes you happy? Turn complaints and criticisms into cheerful requests. Make sure you are not mad or tense when asking. Ask as if you know you will get what you want. This confidence is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
5. Act first. Feelings will follow. “Fake it till you make it” really works. Love is a verb. Don’t wait for inspiration. Intentionally act in loving ways. Don’t worry that just because you don’t feel loving yet that your efforts are “fake.” Give yourself credit for consciously creating new openings for the loving feelings to return. For example, you could find out what makes your partner feel loved and just do them.
6. Get over the idea of what’s fair and what’s not. Do you ask “why should I have to take the lead on this?!” It’s not fair, but it’s what works. Get used to asking yourself instead, “Do I want what’s fair, or do I want to be happy?” The paradigm of fairness only creates a “keeping score” mentality. Let that go and move into the Usness place!
These six mindset shift are simple, but not always easy. If it feels too hard, just pick one and commit to that first.
You can and deserve to get that loving feeling back.
Please let me know how things go in the comments below!